time for change.

So I really would like some changes in my life. That means changing for the better. It isn't intended for anyone but me. I'm not trying to impress anyone with the way I choose to live and present myself, because in reality I could careless what anybody else thinks of me. I live to please myself, not the world. I think that people who don't show appreciation for time spent with them aren't very good friends. I really don't like to go home and find that a majority of the people that I used to spend every moment with have changed for the worse. They made bad life choices and aren't as fun as they used to be. OR they just become so involved with their bfs/gfs and they are that obsessed that they can't make time for what used to be their "best friend."

I think they need to grow up. I think it is time for me the move on and leave alot of people behind and appreciate the ones who have always been there alot more, then rather to waste my time. I have come to find how i've turned into one of those people who don't give many chances out. Even with letting love in. I've pushed people away because I've been pushed away as well way too many times then some people said i've deserved. Anyone can say that theres many people out there and that I'm such a good person blah blah blah etc. In reality nobody cares about that anymore our generation has no class. Being played around with alot is unhealthy for the heart and its made me push people away who try to get close. I think i've become my own best friend and its not a good thing to do. Idk I just thought about way too many things last night. So really theres few people I like to spend time with now that nobodys fun. I remember when we were all so crazy and had the best times. OH and I NEEEED to go viist Alyssa and Dj really bad. I miss them alot and Redbeard tooo. I want to jump on the trampoline and eat vegetarian chicken patties with redbeard and go do photoshoots and climb rock walls. i'd rather
just drive 45 mins to Binghamton to hang out at Dustys and see everyone there atleast they still know how to have a good time without being lame. I promised Zach I'd come up and rage. should be some good times.

I'm really stoked on people who can sense that something is wrong, and are there to put a smile upon my face. Zach helped a bit last night. and even did Matt who idk why was awake at 5 am sitll

I really still don't know about the whole concept of college yet. I finallly made it through the first half of freshmen wriitng and completed a 20 page paper. bleh but whatever. I feel alot of people here only ACT like my friend for certain reasons unmentionable. I wish I'd fine more time for fun. I need to get a job. then I can escape more often. I want to go visit the Jersey kids but I never have any money!

Last night was the Holiday and I didn't have as much fun as I'd expected. Courtney left early and then the rest of the night was completely random. Steves friends who were visiting got alit rowdy and ended up in jail. Then the poor kids had no idea what to do from there. Sucked. I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to which was lame psssst wheeps! n prom kicked the holiday ball in the butt so yah. id rather go camping at bobbys hut after then a bunch of randomness like last night. i made new friends this weekend sam and maddie and everyone and then Chandler. I ran into him quite a few times after i did with tim. he kept telling me that my ears wouldn't stop popping b/c i had aides. which isn't true. i'm pretty sure. but he said hes never ever coming back to ec. so we cannot rock out to jump on it and kick butt. So pssst n that but he almost made ryan jump out of a window. Which he actually opened on the to jump from the third story. bad idea. ryan dosen't let me play dj so he sucks. hes a computer hog and likes too much basshunter.

toni and i got pudgies last night mmmmm! and i got stalked in the dandy by some guys like to party. it was madd creepy. i think they were like 28ish. then maddie and i crawled up 3 flights of stairs just for fun and ran around perry. we were that bored. n had that much energy. the whole n ight started in ando with steve and his friends anddd thats last night summed up in randomness.